I've been thinking about head / heart conversations…

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in Your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13 (ESV)

contemplative-deep-thoughts.jpg

Head: You, my friend, are in an impossible situation—with no way out!

Heart: You might be right. This time I don’t feel the invincibility of my youth. This time I have too much to lose—this time the stakes are much, much higher—and I am afraid.

Head: Confess it! You are alone! No matter how much you would like to take others along with you, you simply cannot. As terrifying as it is, this trial is an individual journey—and you aren’t ready for it.

Heart: I am sad and distressed. I know that birth and death and living in between is a solitary journey—for even the Son of God was alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. I feel deserted. I am wondering if God cares about me. Is He watching? Does He see my suffering? The confidence I am lacking now cannot be so different from the confidence I felt before. Why can’t I find it—and resurrect it?

Head: You’ve gotten weak and soft over the years and you don’t have the strength to tackle this new phase of your life. This newest journey upon which your life hinges, requires more bravery, strength, resourcefulness, calm, and grit than you have ever had to summon before.

Heart: That is true—but in the past I have tapped into reserves of courage and resourcefulness that I would have never known existed except that I consciously and willingly persisted in placing my faith in God’s steadfast love.

Head: Therein lies a great irony! You want to feel whole and complete inside, but your soul is shaken. Through all your wanderings, will you find the help you need? Are you confident God will deliver you?

Heart: My Heavenly Father promises He will bring good out of this trial—He will deliver me. My soul will be soothed, my self-doubt and fear will be quieted, and I will be imbued with strength in a way I never imagined.

There is nowhere else to turn. I will trust God. I will wait on Him. I will rejoice! I will begin now!